In sitting down with myself the past few days, I find myself filled with fear. Now that I’m settled physically, and am no longer leading a nomadic life, I can allow myself to feel that fear. Hopefully in feeling it I will also be able to release it, and move on to a happier life that my Lady has promised me. “So, this change is a good thing, then?” I had asked her before I left. “That depends entirely on you,” She had replied. That’s a very scary answer to hear, when I’ve spent so much of my time relying on her–first in my program, and then as I worked my way back into the Heathen community from which I had temporarily withdrawn.
Still, my experience in recovery points to two solutions: Do the footwork, and rely on Her. Do the footwork, and rely on Her. And do the footwork. And rely on Her. So I fall back on a program prayer to help see me through, when I am feeling too full of fear to reach out to Her the way I know I should. Trust in the process, says my program. And here’s hoping that, like every time in the past, it helps pull me through. Paradoxically, I have often found that my greatest strength and peace of mind comes when I gracefully and willingly surrender myself to Her.
A Prayer to Freya
Freya, I offer myself to you,
to build with me
and to do with me as you will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do your work.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of you power,
love, and benefaction.
Help me do your work always.
(11/30/14–edited to remove unnecessary biblical language)
Heilsa, my lovely Lady.