Finally, Mercury explains Himself.
In response to this letter.
Thank you for your letter alerting me to the problem you have been experiencing with my planetary influences. I am sorry you have been subjected to such a frustrating series of events. I pride myself on responding to customers’ concerns very quickly, so I’m writing back to you upon receipt of your letter (open letters are a fabulous way to reach deities, incidentally) with a brief overview of the Retrograde feature in our product, Mercury, and some guidelines for a better user experience.
The Retrograde feature was introduced in 160 C.E. with you, the consumer, in mind. Our objectives were as follows:
- To automate reincarnation, so as to free Psychopomp deities to answer a larger number of customer concerns
- To revitalize and animate otherwise “dead” parts of the soul (such as your ability to feel outrage at daily injustices)
- To facilitate thoughtful communication and giving you an easy out when…
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