So, it appears that I have been in a bit of an amber-colored cloud. A two-year-long amber-colored cloud. It began right before I started my initiation work with Freya, and lasted until….well, this evening, when she decided that my boyfriend was “not good enough for me,” and proceeded to tell him all of the reasons why. *headdesk*
Now, I have loved Freya pretty much since I found out She existed, yes, but the really heavy NRE did not hit in until my initiation. I have been happily riding high on it for a while now. I didn’t notice it so much earlier because how could anyone not love Freya? Everyone loves Freya! She is wonderful! And for the most part, everyone does love Freya–Gods and humans and jotuns alike. She’s just so lovable–goddess of beauty, love, sex, gold, etc., and all. I’ve come across a very few people who were scared (or at least, very wary) of Her, but never anyone that didn’t actually like Her. And I’ve also rarely gotten an ill response from her towards most people. But my boyfriend? She is not a fan. Ironic, because everyone else seems to like him, and She’s the one who threw us together and has been cheerleading at us from the sidelines.
Perhaps this often happens when two devotional polytheists get together; I wouldn’t know. The is the first time I’ve been dedicated to a deity (and in various relationships with others) and also dated someone who has the same kind of deity relationships. To any relationship now, I bring Freya, Freyr, Njord, Odin, and various ancestors and landspirits, and he brings Hel and Loki and what seems to be half of Jotunheim. I had expected there to be some negotiations, and everything was going along pretty well on all fronts until Freya finally came down and met my guy the first time. A visit which made me edit my Dedication Contract to include “I will not slap my daughter’s boyfriend” into next year’s version. Not an amendment I thought I would ever need, because oddly enough, Freya has never shown any desire to slap anyone I’ve ever come in contact with. (Apparently there was some contract he made a while ago that he had not honored, or had taken too long to fulfill, or some such… in any event, not my issue.)
This was bad enough, and caused us to have a conversation about what She could and couldn’t do to my boyfriend. Then, today She came down, after we gone around to all of my altars and honored the various deities and all of the Vanir, and she lit into him about how he had not wooed me properly and she expected him to get it right or she would not even give him the time of day. At which point, a huge chorus of jotnar, including Hel (his godly wife) and Loki, jumped to his defense and promptly demanded retribution. So we were both put in the unenviable spot of mediating between my Lady, each other, and a squad of pissed-off jotnar. (Which, given that we are two adults generally doing our best to be respectful to each other, looked a lot more calm and reserved than it sounds (or felt).)
(I feel sometimes like I’m in the movie Ant-Man. Massive deity shenanigans and emotional drama, which, when viewed by anyone from the outside, just looks like a small Lego train getting kicked off of its tracks.)
What followed was an evening of High Deity Shenanigans, during which we caught up on a bunch of deity negotiations that we had probably been slacking on, to be honest. My guy got a chance to talk one-to-one with Freyr, which is the deity we had assumed would be the issue (because reasons), but Freyr was actually very helpful and supportive. Then I got a chance to talk one-to-one with a coldly annoyed Hela, and a pissed-off Loki. And I got to experience the downside to the fact that my boyfriend is a very experienced medium, because both of Them came through extremely loud and clear and had a LOT to say. Hela likes me, luckily, and did not have much to say about Freya other than that I needed to talk with my Lady and get this issue figured out. Loki, on the other hand, had a LOT to say about Freya and my relationship with Her. (Is that his usual m.o.?!)
Essentially, he made it very clear that not everybody liked Freya and not everyone was won over by Her charm and beauty, and why was I letting Her run my life, etc. (Truth is, I let Her run my life because I’ve never really seen a good reason not to, and many good reasons why I should. Following Her has brought me many better things than I could have dreamed were possible.) I told Him as much. He was not impressed, and thoroughly defended his boy. Loki as defender of his children–a side I had heard about but had never seen in person. I imagine he’s a sight to behold when tearing into teachers, principals, or anyone else who messes with his people.
Afterwards, when all the big scary angry jotnar had gone away, I reflected more on this. Loki’s really the first one to get through to me that not everyone likes Freya, and not everything She does is beautiful and perfect and loving and well-intentioned. I had heard this in bits and pieces elsewhere, but never this blunt or starkly put.
The boyfriend himself is doing his best to not get a bad opinion of Freya from this godly disagreement, but doing so has tapped him out pretty hard. He’s a good guy, and, all in all, he’s been really supportive through this whole thing. I don’t know that I would have done as well had the tables been turned. However, now I now myself in the unenviable position of have to go back to my Goddess, to whom I’d pretty much given a blank check, and to defend my relationship with my guy and lay down some tough boundaries. A discussion I am NOT looking forward to, at all.
But really, this makes more sense. No one is perfect, not even my Lady. But I guess I hadn’t had a good enough reason to have the discussion with Her to renegotiate my boundaries. Now I do, and ironically, She’s the one who threw us together to begin with and has been cheering us on! Goddesses.
And maybe this is the real reason why I couldn’t go to Many Gods West. With all of the deity shenanigans I experienced the week before the Conference, and all of the intense deity shenanigans this week, if I had had to add in three days of dealing with everyone else’s drama and deity shenanigans, I probably would have been broken.