I’ve been feeling a bit driftless since Freya left. Feeling like I don’t have an anchor, or protection, or even some of my place in this world, because if I’m not a Freyaswoman, then what am I? (Melodramatic, I know.) And I’ve been offered a huge amount of help, from Gods and humans. Through my guy, I have half of Jotunheim, and a no-nonsense take on things. Through my connection with Odin (such as it is) I have Asgard, and a lot of Gods and Goddesses there willing to step in and help out regardless of what Odin says or doesn’t say. (Even ones I have never worked with, such as Tyr.) And Vanaheim… well, I’m thoroughly rooted and enmeshed with the Vanir; couldn’t leave now if I tried. And now the Irish deities are showing up–Medb and Frigga, plotting. (I blame this on all of my Morrigan peoples.) And I have a ton of friends and strangers coming out of the woodwork to share their own experiences with this kind of loss.
I’m blessed. I just wish it didn’t have to hurt so much to make me realize that. That is what I’ve been trying to avoid, now that I’m older and more experienced. (We make plans, and the Gods laugh.) And I know that I will get Her back at some point. But maybe when She does come back, it’ll be because I’ve finally learned to work with the community of gods already surrounding me.
Njord: “You kept them all out.”
Me: “You mean, She kept them all out?”
Njord: “No, the two of you together kept everyone else out.”
Sigh. Yeah, maybe that’s why She had to go. As my guy says, you can’t create community with just one bright shiny. Everyone needs to be involved in order for it to work.