Click: Burnt offerings

It’s funny how I can know a lot of things on an abstract, intellectual level, but that information doesn’t really make much difference until I actually experience it myself, or for whatever reason it hits at a heart level. Maybe it’s just me. /shrug

Yesterday’s example of this is the Hellenic tradition of burning offerings that are aimed at the sky gods (as opposed to burying those for the chthonic deities). I have a crapload of logistical stuff the next few days which involve a rental car, two different airports, luggage, a plane ride, a cat, a bus, a hotel, misc. paperwork, and my day job. (Plus, the weather in the Midwest, and getting my extremely reluctant parents to pick me up at the airport, which, to hear them talk, is equivalent to enduring a root canal with no anesthesia.) In any event, I’m completely stressed out because I have no control over most of this and there are a billion things that could go wrong. And I’m already exhausted from a 2.5 week trip. So! An offering to Hermes seemed in order.

I picked Him up a chili cheeseburger (Thenea’s suggestion) and burned bits of bit in a small brazier in another friend’s backyard. Now, I’ve known for a long time that this was The Thing to Do when giving offerings to the Greek deities; and logically, it makes sense–sky gods would want their offerings in a form that would go up into the sky–but it always felt a bit odd to me. But after slicing the burger up into small bits and feeding it to the fire for five hours or so, I finally got it. Yes–that smell of burning fat and meat is delicious, and not nearly as charcoal-y as I had expected. The experience is  reminiscent of summer days when you get wafts of grilled meat from a neighbor’s barbecue. It made me hungry, and I had just eaten. So, yes, Greek Gods–I get it. And now that I do, I’ll be giving you more offerings in this way in the future.

And Io Hermes! Wish me safe, secure, hassle-free, efficient, and inexpensive travels this week!

PantheaCon Schedule, 2105

PantheaCon, an International pan-Pagan convention held in San Jose,  is coming up quickly. Here are the events I’m leading and/or participating in this year:

Friday, Feb. 15th:

I’ll likely be joining in River Devora‘s “Furious Revels” at 5pm. It’s a fun parade that, among other things, helps to cleanse the hotel space.

Saturday, Feb. 14th:

4:30-6:30 Devotional to Hera and Zeus (tutorial-style ritual)–Pandemos/Greek Hospitality Suite–I’m leading this event with Thenea Pantera (Magick from Scratch). (I’ll be a priestess of Zeus! This should be fascinating.)

9:00-10:30PM Dionysus Hestios ritual–San Martin/San Simeon. Put on by Pandemos, our Hellenic group in the Bay Area.

(There’s also a small possibility I’ll be helping ward Coru Cathubodua’s Morrigan ritual–“The Morrigan Speaks: Arise to Battle”–Saturday night, depending on whether they need more warders. We’ll see if they need me or not.)

Sunday, Feb. 15th:

11:00 AM Myth Embodiment, “The Lay of Thrym (aka That One Time When Thor Was a Drag Queen)”– Heathen Hospitality Suite, 2nd floor. I’m running this event

1:00 PM Blot for Freya–Heathen Hospitality Suite. I’m running this event.

11:00 PM “Facets of Freya Devotional Ritual”–San Juan/San Carlos (facing the parking lot). I’m leading this ritual along with a group of Freyaswomen that we’ve named Freyja’s Aett (including EmberVoices) I’ll be posting more about this one later on.

Keeping in mind that in the fourteen years I’ve attended PCon, only once have I ever made it to even most all of the events I’d hoped to attend. And knowing that some events will be canceled or moved; some will not live up to my expectations; some I won’t make because I’ll get pulled off to help somebody out at the last minute; and some I’ll just be too fricking tired to attend. That said, here are some of the events I’d like to attend:

Coru’s Morrigan ritual; Shauna Aura Knight’s “Designing Intensive Rituals”; Discordian.com’s “Lady Gaga Clothing Swap” (long story); Hrafn Skjoldr Kindred’s Blot; Rhyd Wildermuth and Alley Valkyrie‘s “Radical Gods” panel; T. Thorn Coyle (and many others)’s panel on “Nurturing Young Pagan Leaders”; “Warding and Ritual Safety” panel; Jeffrey Arbaugh’s “Archetypes of the Masculine”… which is unfortunately at the same time as the Coru event, sigh (Arbaugh is the presenter from whom I picked up the Myth Embodiment activity); Angela Carlson’s “Modern Heathenry” discussion panel (which, considering it’s at 9AM, is unlikely); Freyja’s Gift’s “A Different Kind of Seidh”; Soli Johnson’s “Juggling the Gods”; Silence Maestas‘ “Exploring Devotional Rituals”; and River’s “Essentials of Polytheism”. And hopefully one of the Pagans in Recovery events.

“Ithaca”, by Constantine P. Cavafy

One of my favorite poems about life, the journey, and coming home. By modern Greek author Constantine Cavafy. Based on the travels of Odysseus.

Ithaka

When you set out for Ithaka
ask that your way be long,
full of adventure, full of instruction.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon – do not fear them:
such as these you will never find
as long as your thought is lofty, as long as a rare
emotion touch your spirit and your body.
The Laistrygonians and the Cyclops,
angry Poseidon – you will not meet them
unless you carry them in your soul,
unless your soul raise them up before you.

Ask that your way be long.
At many a Summer dawn to enter
with what gratitude, with what joy –
ports seen for the first time;
to stop at Phoenician trading centres,
and to buy good merchandise,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensuous perfumes of every kind,
sensuous perfumes as lavishly as you can;
to visit many Egyptian cities,
to gather stores of knowledge from the learned.

Have Ithaka always in your mind.
Your arrival there is what you are destined for.
But don’t hurry the journey in the slightest.
Better it last for years,
so that when you reach the island you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to give you wealth.
Ithaka gave you a splendid journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She hasn’t anything left to give you.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka hasn’t deceived you.
So wise you have become, of such experience,
that already you’ll have understood what these Ithakas mean.

Cutbacks

So, the overwhelming busy-ness has finally caught up with me and I’ve cried “uncle!”. I’ve cut down –temporarily, in some cases– on a lot of the things that I had been helping to lead/organize/manage. This won’t actually affect this blog too much, though, as it’s one of the things I’m keeping. The only real change I’ll make here is that I’m going to worry less about making it an all-Heathen resource, and instead just focus on the Love Notes and Freya-related topics. Likely no one will notice any change at all 🙂 Except perhaps less whining about how busy I am.

A week of Gods

Happy Lughnasadh, all! Here’s a friend’s Patheos article on this not-as-well-known Wiccan/Celtic holiday if you’re interested in learning more about it: The Smaller Sabbats

This week was one of those Godsweeks. Often I have Godsdays; this was an entire week. Or perhaps things are just ramping up again and I need to adjust my expectations accordingly, in which case this is just business as usual. Which is happening right as I’m about to pick up a part-time job, so I’m already swamped, but I need the money. *shrug* It is what it is.

(On a side note, once I get hired for this job and decide that it’s a good thing, I’ll write up the story of how I got it. It’s another on the list of “Yes, the Gods are working in my life” examples. But as it’s not yet a done deal, I’ll hold off. It’s pretty certain, though.)

I’m more exhausted than usual, and I couldn’t figure out why until I sat down and wrote out a list of everything priestess-ish that I did this week. So, my week went as follows. Keep in mind that I do actually work full time in the corporate world…

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Don’t trust your Gods? Make them bigger.

Along with everything else I do, I’m a member of a 12-step program. No, it’s not AA; there are many more 12-step programs out there. No, you don’t need to know which one I’m in. It’s anonymous; that’s the point. What you do need to know is that my experience in this program has helped to re-sculpt a lot of my underlying assumptions and beliefs about the nature of Deity and how I shape my relationship with Her (and Them).

I’ve struggled for years now in making my hard polytheistic worldview work with the 12-step concept of a higher power. Sometimes I can make it work, sometimes I can’t. Even so, one of the most useful concepts I have about working with the deity comes from my program: the idea that if my Goddess is not working for me–if She is limiting me or critiquing me or undermining me or whatever–I can (and should) make my understanding of Her bigger.

Before I landed in my 12-step program, I had what amounted to a superhero understanding of the Gods. The Gods were like us, just a bit bigger. They could do a bit more than we could and could help us out a little. They had the same idiosyncrasies as humans, and were bitchy, fallible, and easily bored. My understanding of them, and how I experienced them–while interesting and exciting–did not bring me a whole lot of serenity or peace in times of crisis. While intellectually I knew that I should be able to rely on them, I did not actually feel like they would help me through tough times. After all, they were barely bigger than us humans. But then, what is the point of having a relationship with a deity if He or She is not there to help you through tough times?

My attitude towards deity changed abruptly after I hit rock bottom and found myself in a 12-step program. (I don’t think it’s possible to emphasize strongly enough how much my program helped me get my sanity and my life back, in a way that Heathenry or the larger pagan community just could not begin to match. [Long rant for a different time.] If you or a loved one is struggling with an addiction of any kind, go to a 12-step program–at least a for few meetings, just to see what they have to offer. It can’t hurt, and it might even help.) If you’re unfamiliar with 12-step programs, the way it works is this: 1. Admit that your life is unmanageable and you can’t fix it (some people have spent decades coming to this realization); 2. Open yourself up to the possibility that there’s something bigger out there that can help you; and 3. Ask for that bigger power for help (Steps 1-3, in other words). There’s more to it, obviously, but this is the foundation.

I remember thinking when I found out what the 12 steps were and our overall plan of attack, This should be easy. I’ve already spent my entire adult life finding my own spirituality and delving deeper into it, often at odds with my family or the larger culture around me. Not a problem. I’m halfway there!

Or not. It’s a lot harder, it turns out. I had spent a a great deal of time and effort learning about and working with my gods, but in all that time and work, I hadn’t learned what I’ve come to consider to be the most important part of any belief system: I hadn’t learned to trust my gods.

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