Moving from altar to energy

So, I’m smack-dab in the middle of packing, and watching what I’ve built for the last 2.5 years be slowly deconstructed. I’m very big about having each thing I own go to the right person, someone who needs it and will appreciate it. As I’m dedicated to Freya now, this also means I can’t just give things away like I used to. She expects me to actually get compensated for expensive things, like the lovely brown leather corset with embossed harvest-colored leaves on the front, or my fancy set of original Pavel kettlebells. Moving would go a lot faster if I just gave these things away, but I can see her point, especially as this move is primarily financially motivated.

The long and the short of this is that big sections of my life have already been packed up, given away, or sent off to my parents’ house–including parts of my altars. Their sense of presence and power have been disrupted, and I’m kind of unnerved by it.

However, maybe there is a silver lining. When I was Wiccan, way back in the day, I was always that Wiccan, the one who felt that I needed no wand or pentacle or what have you because those things were just symbols and tools for accessing what I already had inside me. So, why waste the money? Just visualize it. This worked out ok, actually, until the Wiccan love for fancy regalia and my own Taurus tendencies to own things took over. But I always remembered that attitude. That’s at least part of why became Heathen. We don’t need no stinking regalia! Heathenry works just fine without it. (Though, of course, that doesn’t stop me from having fancy regalia. I am a Freyaswoman after all.)

Now, with most of my altars broken and their components scattered or given away, I’m connecting more with the energy that was behind the altars. It’s great that my Freya altar had tons of amber, gold-ish things, hearts, sweet libations, love notes, and jewelry, but the altar can be just as powerful without them. In fact, it is.

I might even say that my altars may have gotten in the way of my connection to the Gods sometimes. Now, I just have the God-shaped energy hanging out in that general area, unattached to any specific item, and I can feel more of what that energy is and what it is doing. My Gods are bigger than my altars! Who knew? They also feel more mature; or, at least the energies that I’m connecting with seem to have a lot more depth and maturity to them than those that hid within my trinkets. (Of course, that could just as easily be because I’m doing a lot of owning up to past behaviors and making serious, grown-up changes in my life. Maybe it’s both. /shrug)

I’m just trying to find the gold beneath the trauma of moving (yet again), of experiencing the trauma of my lovely, hand-picked, highly valuable possessions being passed on (yet again)–to homes that will appreciate them, granted, but still–out of my life, and into the life of another. But as She says, if you want to have newer and better things of all types come into your life, you need to let the old ones go (preferably freely and without resentment). Sigh. Yes, ma’am.

Love notes from Freya, 9/16/14

Modesty is the key to virtue and grace. Love, Freya

LET ME EXPLAIN. So when I got this message, I was, you may imagine, somewhat confused. So  asked Her to elaborate, because I’m not sure we had the same definitions for these words. Here’s what I got:

Modesty: An attitude of humility; ie, knowing your correct place in regards to your Gods. You are not higher than them; you are not equal to them; but you are not so low as to not be worthy of their love and attention. Quite the opposite: YMMV with other Gods, but with my Lady, She loves you all. Therefore, you are worthy of Her love. It’s not complicated–not in Her mind, anyway. (Some of us She loves more intimately than others, granted; but that’d be the same with any of other Gods, I’d guess. They are just partial to those who are dedicated to Them.) So, understand that They love you, but don’t think that you are higher than Them and can rule the world. (Ceremonial magicians, I’m looking at you.)

Virtue: Your strength, ability, personal power, “luck”, in this world. Essentially, it’s your hamingja, a specifically Norse concept that doesn’t translate well into English. It’s kind of a combination of what your ancestors gave you (or burdened you with) and your own innate “luck” or power. Here’s a great description of hamingja, stolen (unabashedly) from Wandering Woman Wondering’s blog:

Luck, often called hamingja, is an important Heathen concept, one that encompasses ancestral aid, as well as a person’s ability to be in the right place at the right time, the whole constellation of a person’s skills and talents, and a person’s ability to rally the support and confidence of others.

But as she goes on to say, it’s not all sunshine and roses. (Check out her post for a full discussion the negative sides of it.) My understanding of how Freya uses this term  here is that that attitude of humility can help us more fully access that positive legacy and internal abilities that we’ve been given. By not being humble, we cut ourselves us off from this amazing resource that is ours by right. Don’t commit self-sabotage. Honor and use what you’ve been given.

Grace: This one was the hardest for me to parse. It’s got so many explicitly Christian associations, I was afraid to touch it. Still, here’s what I got:

Grace is the ability to make space in your life for the Gods to come down and grant you their favors. I see this as having two parts: the awareness that they can come down and influence your life, and the willingness to let them do so.  The key factors here are accepting that this is something that They can decide to do (you can’t force this to happen), and that the type of change that they make is not something you can control. Trying to control it–having very specific expectations of what should happen and how it should look– just get in the way, is you trying to be in control, not you letting grace happen. This is one of those faith things, and we can screw it up by not having any trust in Those with whom we work. If we think we’re in charge of the Gods, it not only makes it harder for them to come down and do their thing, it probably also makes them less inclined to do so.

(Confession: Personally, due the fact that I work with a Goddess of Love and Beauty [among other things] and due to my 12 Step work, I tend to see the influence of the Gods as being a good thing. In my experience, they want what’s best for me and do their darnedest to help get me there. I can’t really say if this is true for all deity-human relationships, but I’ve heard a lot of anecdotal evidence to support this from friends who have never even heard of a 12 Step program and who work with War deities.)

So that’s my take on today’s love note: Be humble, use what you’ve been given, and let the Gods do Their thing. Also, Freya sends LOVE LOVE LOVE out to all of you.

Love notes from Freya, 8/22/14

Seek what pleases you.

Teach yourself to live joyfully.  The world is here for your enjoyment. Find what you need to enjoy life; seize it passionately; and accept the consequences, if consequences ensue. In the final tally, if you have enjoyed your life more than you have  simply “survived” it, then you have won. You will have won! And I rejoice in your winning. Love, Freya

Not much to say here, except–She means every word (though of course She does, She’s a goddess). I have heard this axiom time and time again from Her–usually when I’m stressed or despondent about one thing or another–that the point of life is to enjoy it. If you do, you are winning at this game called life.

Love notes from Freya, 8/6/14

Generosity of spirit. Gentleness. Kindness. Compassion. If you give freely of yourself,  nothing can ever be taken from you without your permission. You are the one in charge of your soul. You have the power over it; no one can touch it. An open heart and an open mind will shield you from all of the varieties of trauma that exist in the world, because no one take what is freely given. Disempower those who would harm you by showing them love and acceptance first. Love, Freya.

Today’s love note is reminiscent of a poem Sam Webster put up on his blog today on “loving kindness”. I’m not sure that I fully agree either the poem, or Her message today. I can see where She is coming from, especially with the “disempowering your enemies” statement, but on a practical level, I’m not sure if that is the only or always the best way to approach conflict. I know many people who have a history of abuse, for example, who find themselves getting hurt time and time again by trusting, loving, and making themselves vulnerable to abusers. Part (perhaps all?) of their battle is to regain their sense of self and self-worth, to fully understand the sovereignty of their self that they have long denied or have been taught to devalue.

Still, I believe She’s right–no one can take away anything that you’ve already decided to give freely. I get it; I understand this power on a visceral level, even if I can’t explain it well. This is one of the lessons that She teaches, and a gift that I have received from Her many times–this gut-level understanding of one’s own power and value. The gift She gives is not an “intellectual” understanding of this concept; believe me, I’ve tried to keep things intellectual (kind of like keeping things platonic!), and it just doesn’t work. I’m a pretty smart cookie, and I can understand a wide variety of complex concepts, but if that “understanding” doesn’t go on seep its way into my soul, it might as well have never happened at all.

Just know that you are powerful. YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE POWER here, not an abuser, a hater, or anyone who is afraid of you and wishes to tear you down. The power is in you already. Once you install the understanding of that truth that into your soul, well–life gets a lot better.

Love notes from Freya, 7/20/14

Life is a gamble. It’ s a game we play. Some will win, some will lose. When you lose, think of this: what can I do now, now that this other choice has been taken from me? What is left for me to do? Seek for the jewels that were hidden from you when your mind was bent on that one goal. There is always so much wealth to be found in the things that are left behind.